Parenting 101

This is the way that I parent… it works for us.  If it works for you, great.  If not, I hope you find a way that feels good to you and produces positive outcomes for your child.

1.  Every choice comes with a consequence and a restriction of other available choices.

I’ll be there to explain your choices to you before and after you make them.  I understand that making mistakes is the only way you learn.  By helping you learn from your choices, I am teaching you to be responsible.

2.  If you need help, ask for it.

I’ll encourage you to try to figure it out or do it on your own.  If that doesn’t help, I’ll show you ‘how to help yourself’ until you get it.   We’ll work together until you realize that you have more power than you originally thought.  This will teach you how to cooperate, ask for what you need, and be confident in your own abilities.

3.  If something doesn’t make sense to you, seek to understand by asking questions… it is okay to question an adult.

I will gladly explain any rule that I make up.  Your opinion matters to me.  I will be honest with you and speak to you at your level of development.  This will help you make sense of your world and understand your place in it.  You are an authority, even when you’re wittle.

4.  However you feel is OK.  Acting on those feelings is not always OK.

I will show concern for your feelings and teach you how to express them constructively.  By me not getting overly frustrated or upset at you by your attempts to express your negative feelings, I will demonstrate what it means to have self-control.  The only person that you can control is you.  You have to learn to control yourself so that you stay safe and healthy.

5.  You are loved.  You are valuable.  You are important to a lot of people.

I will make sure that you know that.  When you love and value someone, treat them like you do and tell them that they are important to you.  This will teach you gratitude, respect for others (and yourself), and help you have healthy relationships.

6.  Reading is important and so is artistic expression.

Whenever you say that you’re bored, I will direct you to the wonderful world of books, paints, or lined paper.  You can never be bored if you use your imagination.  Life is play! Just have fun playing the game and you will learn a lot in the process.

7.Your emotions, your thoughts, your dreams, and your physical presence are all safe with me.

I will protect you when I am able to, as well as let you fall sometimes, knowing that you won’t get completely damaged.

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Now hopefully my kid won’t turn into the next uni-bomber or something… but I think that the way I do things will set him up to be a responsible and happy adult, and be bathed in the comfort of love and acceptance on his way.

Parenting is hard as hell, but I think I’m up for the job because I treat others the way I want to be treated.  The tips above work for pretty much all of my relationships.  As a parent, all I can do is my best… that’s all you can do, too.

Get YourSELF Together… “For the Kids”

To sum up the job of “parent” in one sentence, I would say this:

A human BE-ing; who guides, respects and appreciates the uniqueness of its offspring.

I used to think that a parent’s job was to teach.  I have since given up that view.   Children do not need input.  They already have an original blue-print.

Our task as parents is not to tell children how to act.   We are to provide a safe and loving environment where children can act and face consequences.

We cannot teach a child how to walk.  We can only do it ourselves, help them as they pull themselves up, and make sure they don’t hurt themselves when they fall.

We cannot teach a child to talk.  We can only do it ourselves and by repeating back what they say, help them to handle the language.   We cannot teach them how to behave.  We can only respond to their behavior by allowing consequences.

Most parents do not possess what they are trying to teach, but kids still turn out fine.

How do you guide a child?  By paving a path you would like for them accompany you on.

If your life is going nowhere, meaning that you’re at about a 6-7 on a scale of 1-10 of fulfillment, then you simply cannot guide anyone…including yourself.

If you are unhappy with the direction of YOUR life, then what kind of direction can you offer your children?

School Isn’t The Only Place You Learn

Homeschoolers’ setback sends shock waves through state

Friday, March 7, 2008

Source

“A California appeals court ruling clamping down on homeschooling by parents without teaching credentials sent shock waves across the state this week, leaving an estimated 166,000 children as possible truants and their parents at risk of prosecution.

The homeschooling movement never saw the case coming.

“At first, there was a sense of, ‘No way,’ ” said homeschool parent Loren Mavromati, a resident of Redondo Beach (Los Angeles County) who is active with a homeschool association. “Then there was a little bit of fear. I think it has moved now into indignation.”

The ruling arose from a child welfare dispute between the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services and Philip and Mary Long of Lynwood, who have been homeschooling their eight children. Mary Long is their teacher, but holds no teaching credential.

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Yet the appeals court said state law has been clear since at least 1953, when another appellate court rejected a challenge by homeschooling parents to California’s compulsory education statutes. Those statutes require children ages 6 to 18 to attend a full-time day school, either public or private, or to be instructed by a tutor who holds a state credential for the child’s grade level.

“California courts have held that … parents do not have a constitutional right to homeschool their children,” Justice H. Walter Croskey said in the 3-0 ruling issued on Feb. 28. “Parents have a legal duty to see to their children’s schooling under the provisions of these laws.”

Parents can be criminally prosecuted for failing to comply, Croskey said.

“A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare,” the judge wrote, quoting from a 1961 case on a similar issue.

Link to full article here

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MY THOUGHTS:

I don’t know if this sounds totally Orwellian to you, but it does to me. Someone making a law that says that I cannot teach my child at home because I don’t have “teaching credentials”? I learn something every day from people without teaching credentials…including my child!

I think that I, as a parent, can better help my child learn and grow than ANY teacher or outside authority. If this would have become a law, the basic authority of parents to teach their children anything outside of what “society says is right” would be gone soon after. By claiming that parents are “criminals” for keeping their children home (instead of sending them to be educated with the masses) the State becomes the parent!

I know that a lot of homeschoolers are crazy fanatics… but I personally know A LOT of well-educated or just plain intelligent parents who teach their children at home.

They are fully accountable for their choices and their children are delightfully de-programmed human beings who LOVE learning. Should these parents have to go get a teaching certificate? Because I also personally know A LOT of crazy, fanatical, unquestioning, mean, effed up life-havin’ teachers WHO HAVE teaching certificates and teach ‘the children’ in our schools.

Imagine if parents were told that they could no longer teach their kids because they didn’t have a ‘teaching certificate’. Then we’re saying that parents know less about their OWN children than the teaching-certificate-givers.

This affects you whether you have children or not.

If the government takes over the lives of children, when do the children get their lives back? How long before every person becomes a ‘ward of the state’?

—- Update: The juvenile case was dismissed last month so the appellate court decision will probably be overturned.  (YAY!)

You Can’t Teach What You Ain’t Got

So McBaby and I did a roadtrip to visit my parents and he was soooo cool on the way down and back. Minor irritation, but only because I’m not a happy traveler.

While we were down there he was a tad rambunctious, but I think it was because my mom completely indulges him. She jumps when he says “I want ____”.

She spoils him with cookies, ice cream and chips (then wonders why he doesn’t eat dinner).

She asks him “Do you love Gran-Gran???” and kisses him about a million times an hour.

I enjoy watching them together. Though I know that when we leave her it’s time for major de-programming.

I love my son. Sometimes I sit and stare at him and think about how beautiful he is and how I happy I am simply because I know him. He’s by far, the coolest kid on the planet…. yeah, sounds mom-like, but it’s so freakin’ true.

But here’s the deal… Kids are major fuckin’ assholes. Yeah, they’re cute… and they say the darndest things… yet, for most parts of the day, you’re thinking to yourself, “gosh, this dude is such a fuckin’ asshole!”

They are assholes because they push our buttons. They set off our triggers. But what I’ve learned is that any relationship worth having is one that pushes your buttons and stretches you to your limits.

When I was walking through Target the other day, I saw a woman with her child. He was adamant about having some Scooby Doo gummy thingies… this woman wasn’t having it. She had a convo with him that went like this:

Him: I want some gummy *whateverthefucks*

Her: But those aren’t good for you… how about some granola bars?

Him: NO! I want the gummy *whateverthefucks*

Her: Casey, (don’t remember the name so I used Casey) it’s almost dinner time. Let’s just get some granola so that you can have it for breakfast in the morning.

Him: MOMMMM, GUMMY WHATEVERTHEFUCKS, GUMMY WHATEVERTHEFUCKS!!!

Her: Do not raise your voice at me!!! WE ARE IN PUBLIC!!! Do you want me to give you something to yell about?? (blah, blah, blah)

Okay, that’s all I remember. One thing I neglected to mention in this story was that the mom was a pretty LARGE woman. See, it’s not likely that she’s going to be able to teach self-control to her child because she has very little self-control…. obviously when it comes to food.

You can’t teach what you haven’t got!

That’s anything from patience, to coping skills, to controlling yourself. You have to work on yourself first…. or your kids will think you’re a hypocrite.

I’ll admit, I have little self-control… a dress from my favorite store even while I’m on a budget. OH YEAH!!! A trip to Baskin-Robbins even though I need to lose a few… I’M IN! A late night of drinking and hanging out, knowing that i have to be at work hella-early… SWEET! I also have zero patience… I’m an Aries, whaddya expect?

Coping skills, I’m cool. If a rum and coke won’t fix it, then a joint definitely will. (Just kidding! …sorta.) Truly, I am able to adapt to almost every situation. I am completely conscious of my shortcomings and am proactive about correcting them. That’s what drives me.

Being a mom means that I have a huge ass mirror in front of me at all times… showing me my flaws and what I need to work on. The situation is a teaching and learning experience wrapped up in one.

So when it comes to parenting, remember that:
1) Kids are assholes.
2) You’re an asshole and your kids will hate you for 5+ years no matter what you do and/or they’ll end up in therapy or jail.
And 3) If you want to do right by your kids, work on yourself.

Since you can’t teach (your job as a parent) them what you haven’t got, then you better develop whatever you suck at ASAP.