Get YourSELF Together… “For the Kids”

To sum up the job of “parent” in one sentence, I would say this:

A human BE-ing; who guides, respects and appreciates the uniqueness of its offspring.

I used to think that a parent’s job was to teach.  I have since given up that view.   Children do not need input.  They already have an original blue-print.

Our task as parents is not to tell children how to act.   We are to provide a safe and loving environment where children can act and face consequences.

We cannot teach a child how to walk.  We can only do it ourselves, help them as they pull themselves up, and make sure they don’t hurt themselves when they fall.

We cannot teach a child to talk.  We can only do it ourselves and by repeating back what they say, help them to handle the language.   We cannot teach them how to behave.  We can only respond to their behavior by allowing consequences.

Most parents do not possess what they are trying to teach, but kids still turn out fine.

How do you guide a child?  By paving a path you would like for them accompany you on.

If your life is going nowhere, meaning that you’re at about a 6-7 on a scale of 1-10 of fulfillment, then you simply cannot guide anyone…including yourself.

If you are unhappy with the direction of YOUR life, then what kind of direction can you offer your children?

You Can’t Teach What You Ain’t Got

So McBaby and I did a roadtrip to visit my parents and he was soooo cool on the way down and back. Minor irritation, but only because I’m not a happy traveler.

While we were down there he was a tad rambunctious, but I think it was because my mom completely indulges him. She jumps when he says “I want ____”.

She spoils him with cookies, ice cream and chips (then wonders why he doesn’t eat dinner).

She asks him “Do you love Gran-Gran???” and kisses him about a million times an hour.

I enjoy watching them together. Though I know that when we leave her it’s time for major de-programming.

I love my son. Sometimes I sit and stare at him and think about how beautiful he is and how I happy I am simply because I know him. He’s by far, the coolest kid on the planet…. yeah, sounds mom-like, but it’s so freakin’ true.

But here’s the deal… Kids are major fuckin’ assholes. Yeah, they’re cute… and they say the darndest things… yet, for most parts of the day, you’re thinking to yourself, “gosh, this dude is such a fuckin’ asshole!”

They are assholes because they push our buttons. They set off our triggers. But what I’ve learned is that any relationship worth having is one that pushes your buttons and stretches you to your limits.

When I was walking through Target the other day, I saw a woman with her child. He was adamant about having some Scooby Doo gummy thingies… this woman wasn’t having it. She had a convo with him that went like this:

Him: I want some gummy *whateverthefucks*

Her: But those aren’t good for you… how about some granola bars?

Him: NO! I want the gummy *whateverthefucks*

Her: Casey, (don’t remember the name so I used Casey) it’s almost dinner time. Let’s just get some granola so that you can have it for breakfast in the morning.

Him: MOMMMM, GUMMY WHATEVERTHEFUCKS, GUMMY WHATEVERTHEFUCKS!!!

Her: Do not raise your voice at me!!! WE ARE IN PUBLIC!!! Do you want me to give you something to yell about?? (blah, blah, blah)

Okay, that’s all I remember. One thing I neglected to mention in this story was that the mom was a pretty LARGE woman. See, it’s not likely that she’s going to be able to teach self-control to her child because she has very little self-control…. obviously when it comes to food.

You can’t teach what you haven’t got!

That’s anything from patience, to coping skills, to controlling yourself. You have to work on yourself first…. or your kids will think you’re a hypocrite.

I’ll admit, I have little self-control… a dress from my favorite store even while I’m on a budget. OH YEAH!!! A trip to Baskin-Robbins even though I need to lose a few… I’M IN! A late night of drinking and hanging out, knowing that i have to be at work hella-early… SWEET! I also have zero patience… I’m an Aries, whaddya expect?

Coping skills, I’m cool. If a rum and coke won’t fix it, then a joint definitely will. (Just kidding! …sorta.) Truly, I am able to adapt to almost every situation. I am completely conscious of my shortcomings and am proactive about correcting them. That’s what drives me.

Being a mom means that I have a huge ass mirror in front of me at all times… showing me my flaws and what I need to work on. The situation is a teaching and learning experience wrapped up in one.

So when it comes to parenting, remember that:
1) Kids are assholes.
2) You’re an asshole and your kids will hate you for 5+ years no matter what you do and/or they’ll end up in therapy or jail.
And 3) If you want to do right by your kids, work on yourself.

Since you can’t teach (your job as a parent) them what you haven’t got, then you better develop whatever you suck at ASAP.

Why I Can’t Get Shit Done in Two Words

Wake up.  It’s 9am.  Hangover head.  Refrigerator calls.  Drink OJ.  Call Mom.  Check email.  Check MySpace.  Must Clean.  Feeling sleepy.  Lay down.  Phone rings.  Get up.  Answer it.  Hang up.  Lay down.  Fall asleep.  Wake up.  Kid’s home.  He talks.  I listen.  We play.  Must clean.  Go outside.  Fill pool.  Sit down.  Watch kid.  Go inside.  Sleepy kid.  Must clean.  Check mail.  Get lunch.  Fill cup.  Text message.  Check MySpace.  Joe calls.  Hang up. Change diaper.  Rock kid.  Kid sleeps.  Make drink.  Watch Entourage.  Must clean.  Computer calls.  Check email.  Check MySpace.  Net surf.  Pussy play.  Must clean.  Getting hungry.  Eat chips.  Drink water.  Koya calls.  Must clean.  So tired.  Check kid.  Lay down.  Fall asleep.  Wake up.  Kid’s calling.  Must clean.  Feed kid.  Feed myself.  Blue’s Clues.  “Mommy, Wiggles”.  Read book.  Watch TV.  Separate laundry.  Mom calls.  Kid’s sleepy.  Text message.  Write back.  Must clean.   Sing songs.  Tell story.   Get water.  Kid sleeps.  Must clean.  Make drink.  Go upstairs.  Net surf.  Check favorites.  Play games.  Google mini-golf.  Find game.  Play game.  Text message.  Must clean.  Respond back.  Vibrator calls.  Have fun.  Go pee.  Come back.   Must clean.  It’s midnight.  Why procrastinate?  Write blog.  Won’t clean.  Fuck me.