Why People Stay Married

There are so many reasons why people stay married and I’m sick of people saying that it’s because of lifelong LOVE.

While it may be love, it’s probably something else… like one or both are too ugly/fat/unattractive to get anyone else.

The reasons are vast.

It could be security.

It could be for the children.

It could be guilt.

It could be fear.

It could be loyalty.

Anything goes with marriage… just don’t call it LOVE.

You can choose others to be the recipient of your love forever, as long as you don’t expect their love in return. Those who believe the fairytale expect others to be the “source”.

My point is that love doesn’t mean “exclusivity for life”…and that demanding or expecting that kind of exclusivity (from any and every partner) leads to disillusionment.

It is rare to see people stay together for more than 3 years, and really, there’s nothing wrong with that. The relationship didn’t fail. There may have been a lot of love there. Yet people believe that love wasn’t real because it didn’t last forever. Hogwash!

When I come to adore a man such that I don’t desire others, exclusivity becomes voluntary in that fidelity is not compulsory, but rather granted, and is not dependent on reciprocation. When I choose to no longer be exclusive, I have a right to do that. My love didn’t fail or die because I chose not to share it with only that one person.

I am no longer exclusive with my ex (husband), but I still love him. He would tell you that my love died… it didn’t… my exclusivity did.

And about the laziness thing: Some people will put up with a lot of bullshit from their mate because they are dependent on that person. They will lie to themselves rather than take action to correct the situation (or leave it).

It takes a big pair of balls to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves your highest good. When you throw kids into the mix, and other societal crap, you get a person who is too LAZY or fearful to take corrective action in their life.

Should we revere them simply because they stay together for life?

Is a relationship a success ONLY when two people make a choice to stay together (regardless if the relationship harms the individual)? I think not.

Ms. Stomp-On-My-Heart-Please

“ It’s in the power of a woman to preclude sex from happening. men only have the power to influence her feelings in one direction or the other.”

—-Some dude commenting on a blog

I’m writing this to you…. Ms. I-just-wanna-get-married.  The chick who has everything about ‘her day’ planned to perfection, who’s just waiting for her overly pressured boyfriend of two years or the nameless, faceless Mr. Right to pop the big question.

I’m writing this to you… Ms. All-men-are-dogs and your friend Ms. I-can’t-trust-because-of-what-he-did-to-me.  You invite loser types into your life because you have no sense of self outside of relationship with another.  You attract men undeserving of your trust because you don’t trust YOU.

This blog is for Ms. He’s-just-confused-right-now or Ms. He’ll-come-around or Ms. I-can’t-live-without-him…. all deflection of your problems on to a guy who treats you like garbage, but you allow it because you have a low of opinion of yourself (and therefore shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway).

And lastly to you Ms. I’ll-fuck-him-over-before-he-fucks-me-over… believing that you’re a player because you “got yours” when in actuality, if these dudes aren’t paying all of your bills then each notch chips away at your self-worth until you’re left with nothing but zero self-respect.

How do I know all these women?  Because I have been ALL of them.  Yep, that was me.  In relationship after relationship.

85% of women today are retarded.  Whether in a relationship or not.  You choose the degree of your retardation.

I know that I recently wrote about men who have no game… 26 things that a man should do to score women.  But ladies, we have more power than them in the first place.  Why squander it?   We are supposed to be the choosers.  We define the relationship.  We are what keeps the world going around.  (Men, don’t disagree with me until you are able to sustain a life in your own body and nurture it for the umpteen years that follow.)

Women, it’s our duty to use our mental powers to control… not men, but ourselves.  We are our own worst enemies and our greatest aggressors.  There are billions of other men in the world!  Stop letting HIM be your end all be all while he keeps you on string along.

It’s disturbing how we make men priorities in our lives, when we are nothing but options to them.

It’s revolting that we don’t understand that we command respect from a man by our ability to walk away and find someone better (or be alone) if he doesn’t treat us the way we want to be treated.

It’s disgusting that we sit and cry and don’t eat and stress, trying to make a relationship work when he tells us that he “needs a break” or wants “me time”.

Ladies please know that I am one of you.  I realize that we all LOVE from the very fiber of our beings.  I get the fact that we want happily ever after and all that shit (I’ve been there, felt that); but my gosh, it will not happen if we do not see ourselves as beautiful, wonderful and divine creatures… if we allow the men in our lives to treat us like that ugly Barbie doll whose hair we cut and never wanted to play with again.

I’ve never and will never give away my power to a man, so I can’t understand your actions, but I do understand your mindset.  I’ve been there and not acted on it.  My sense of reason gives me wings.  Where’s yours?

Ayn Rand said “you can’t say ‘I love you’ until you’re able to say ‘I’.”  How many of us women cannot fathom an “I” unless we are a part of a “we”?  Whether that “we” be a girlfriend to “him”, a mother to “her” or a daughter to “them”.

I don’t believe in unconditional love.  My love has conditions.  That’s reality.  Loving someone is an action and a choice.  Sure, you can’t control who you fall for, however you CAN control if you act on it or not.  If a person is not worthy of the love you can bestow on them, quit it and find someone else or give that love to yourself… someone who IS truly deserving.

Grow some fuckin’ ovaries already.   Sex can wait until he gets to know you… which is not on date number three, you moron… it’s more like date #33.   After you give it up you wait by the phone, hoping he’ll call, wondering if he likes you and if the relationship will go anywhere.  You phucked up… you’ve devalued yourself; why would he want to get to know you when you’ve already played your trump card?

Do you know what it’s like to have sex with someone you love?  Passion, intensity, toe-curling satisfaction – even if it’s not that great.  So why, WHY would you have sex with a man before loving feelings have developed?  And why… please tell me why… would you continue to sleep with a man who thinks of you only as a booty call? …as someone worth only minimal effort for the big payoff???

It’s time to wise up ladies.  Far too many of my girlfriends let the men in their lives run them.  Screw that.  Either control yourself or don’t cry to me, because I’m becoming more upset with YOU and how you treat yourself than the men who you let use you like a doormat.