Facebook Message I Never Sent

I miss you today. I really do.

I heard a quote this morning and I’ve been thinking about you ever since.  “Love never dies.”

What a bullshit fucking truth.

Normally if I felt this way I would stuff it and think about something else.  Not today.

I’m wondering how you’re doing…

I’m thinking about all of the cute little things you used to do…

I’m feeling grateful for the time we shared…

I’m remembering the friendship and love we had.

I don’t know why I’m even writing to you.  This is the second time I’ve started to write something.  The first was a text.  But a text… really?  Could I really sum up what I want to say to you in a text?  Nope.  So here I am.  On freaking Facebook.  What am I doing?

Then I see your status – “R.I.P. {some random dude who I won’t name}. I wish I could have caught up with him before he passed. So sad. Godspeed.”

I wonder what it would be like if me or you passed.  Have we told each other all that we wanted to say?

My Love Life: Website Reply to a Fan

Wow.  Thanks for sharing that with me!

You sound so much like me, it’s a wonder our paths haven’t crossed before. 

Let me tell you a story that may be a little too long and/or have no bearing on your life whatsoever:

In ’06, after a lot of soul-searching, I left my husband because I realized that our marriage was a lost cause… he’s an amazing guy, but we had both put up a false front for nearly 5 yrs. of marriage and never really addressed our issues honestly.  I call that time in my life “young and dumb”. lol

Shortly after he moved out of our home, I randomly met up with a guy I had a huge crush on a decade earlier.  Older, sexy, smart, charismatic, great job…all that.  I just wanted to have fun at the time, and that’s what he provided.  We became the best of friends and passionate lovers.

New Years of ’07, he told me that he would never hurt me.  May of ’07, we told each other we were in love.  I still didn’t ‘commit’ to him, but wasn’t seeing anyone else.  He was my big love, ya know? He even helped me start my women’s magazine, The Ladies Workshop, earlier this year.

From July ’07 until Mar ’08, I was involved in an abusive relationship and didn’t even know it.  It started with really scary fights in July til about Nov.  Then he pushed me when he was drunk twice in the fall (Hello, wake up, Girl!), but I passed it off as alcohol talking.  Then in Dec., he broke something really important of mine…again, when he was drunk.  And for the last 4 months of our relationship he accused me of cheating, lying, or disrespecting him at least once a week which led to a fight.

On the weekend before I started writing my relationship website (April ’08), he and I had our last fight.  That time, there was no pushing.  He dragged me through my house by my hair, choked me, and broke my cell phone over an accusation of cheating.  Of course, I fought back… even though I’m so not a fighter.

You have no idea how much that hurt me – not physically, but emotionally… he was my BEST friend who I would never expect that kind of behavior from.  And that week I had to make the hardest decision of my life… to love me first by walking away from the man I loved most in the world.

See, all the stuff I talk about in my website is really just a love letter to myself.  I used to be, and now am again, Ms. Alpha Female… but for awhile, I wasn’t.  I allowed myself to be disrespected.  I put myself second.

Now, I work out every day.  I eat right.  I work hard.  I enjoy my son.  I take care of myself.  I make it a point to truly LOVE me.  And all of these guys that I’m dating… all of the guys who keep asking me out, taking me to expensive restaurants, buying me flowers, and writing me poetry, are falling in love with me because I radiate love now.  I feel slightly closer to being that healthy woman I know I can be.

My hope is that it doesn’t take a train wreck like I went through for you to get to the end of your long struggle. 

I wish you the best, Debra. 

Peace,

~Me

Important Aspects of Game for Men

One of the guys I’m talking to took me to a strip club Saturday. He knew one of the strippers – so she came over and started chatting with us. I was instantly surprised at how SMART she was. She talked about a trip she just went on and told us about trying to raise some money to go to Jerusalem next… she had never been and wanted to go see some Holocaust museums and a few landmarks there.

Anyway, he told her he was going to help her out and paid for her to give me a lap dance. She took her money and happily obliged.

After she walked away he told me a little more about her. According to him, she is all about making money… and I did notice that she had two huge wads of it on both of her garter belts.

As I watched her walk around the club, I noticed something that I found quite intriguing… she went around to almost every guy asking “Wanna dance?” I watched her get turned down OVER and OVER again until she got one.

I was amazed by the fact that she DIDN’T TAKE REJECTION PERSONALLY. I mean, I’ve worked in sales for years, and I always have a problem with this… but this chick was selling HER BODY – and continuously got rejected. But she kept on going… kept her eyes on the prize and made her money.

Now of course, I’m not condoning what she does. I was just inspired by HOW she does it – that “hunter” mentality that people talk about definitely came into play. It was cool to watch.

How this relates to inner game:

1) Know you’re a prize and take nothing personally. Just keep goin’…on to the next one.

2) Not everyone is going to like you. Find the ones who do.

3) Know that the more successful you are, the more ‘failures’ you’ve had/will experience. Don’t be afraid of failure… embrace it.

I don’t know if these are the ‘most important’ aspects of inner game, but they are definitely helpful.

Everything is Getting Better…

Sure, I’m with you on the idea that banks, corporations and shareholders who run huge companies don’t care… a lot of them don’t give a damn. But then again… others among them DO care.

In today’s world, I see MORE caring not less.

I went out to lunch this weekend with a girlfriend and we talked a lot about the state of the world. She is a 3rd year law school student, and she REALLY cares… not about money, but about helping others. Her and her husband (an attorney) assist low-income families during weekend “legal-aid” clinics.

Another girlfriend of mine was busy with her kids this weekend putting together baskets for people for Thanksgiving… her own money and food to help people she doesn’t know.

There are millions of people who recycle now. There are millions of people who use energy-efficient light bulbs.

There are millions (?) of people involved in groups which help our environment. There are lots of people who carpool, bike to work, or drive fuel-efficient cars.

One of my friends works at a dilapidated public school because she wants to make a difference, even though she could get paid a lot more at a private school nearby.

I meet business owners every day who really care about doing the right thing…And these business owners, despite the so-called “poor economy” are still putting their customer’s needs first, and really providing value. There are many small business owners who I personally know, who go out of their way to take care of their employees, too. I see some really amazing things on my travels around my city.

I also see people being a lot more tolerant, more interested in one another’s opinions, and more civil in conversation.

Hell, the fact that we’re all here reading about what’s happening in the world must show you that at least some people care.

I guess it’s all how you look at things.

I don’t think that it’s that people “don’t care” about the greater good — I think that OBLIGATORY caring is a possible problem.

The media tells you what to care about.
Your family/friends tell you what to care about.
Your manager tells you what to care about.
Your church leaders and politicians tell you what to care about.
When you finally step away from the noise of all of these influences, it makes sense that you would care mostly about yourself… that’s what happens.

I could go on about this but I’m too tired to write more right now… really tired. It’s not that I don’t care…

Immortality

What would you do in this world if you knew that you would live forever?

Would you try more things?

Would you be a little more adventurous?

Would you dance in front of a train or drive really fast on the highway if you knew that you would never die?

Think about it. If you knew that no matter what you did, no matter what kind of sticky situation you got yourself into, you would live through it…and there would be a story to tell. Knowing that ‘no matter what’ you would be okay… would that encourage you to risk a little more?

Everyone is afraid to die. It is for this reason that we don’t take risks. We are afraid to really live because we are afraid of our own death. A paradox and a pity.

The ironic part is that you will live forever. Forget what you’ve read about or been told since childhood. You will never die. Ever. You are promised immortality. This is not about religion or spirituality… these are the cold, hard facts. You will live eternally.

Yeah right, you say. I won’t live forever… if I jump out of a plane with no parachute, I’m definitely going to die. It’s the law of gravity!
Yes, that is true. Your physical body will ‘die’ if you jump out of an airplane with no parachute. But that is not all that makes up your life.

Life is not only material; it is also energy.

We are all made up of matter and energy (actually some argue that matter IS energy and we are ‘pure energy’ because of it). Atoms, cells, all the boring stuff you read about in science class is all we are.

What that means is that we can never die because matter and energy cannot be created nor destroyed; they only change forms. They have always been here in one form or another and they will always be here… forever.

Matter is the stuff that makes us solid (actually, it’s plasma, but just follow along). Energy is the stuff that causes change or does work. Think about an ice cube (matter) being infused with energy (heat) and turning into another form of matter (water) then boiled with energy (heat) until it turns into a different form (gas). We are a delightful mix of both energy and matter, ever-changing and eternal.

Energy affects matter. It is power. The sun’s powerful rays are energy delivering light to the Earth’s surface. Energy is what enables us to walk and talk. Energy flows in, out, and through us. A human ‘being’ is a delicate and beautiful process.

So, I get that, you say. I’m energy and matter and I can’t be destroyed. But “I”, as in “me” as a person, will no longer exist. “I” won’t be here anymore… “I” won’t live forever.

Precisely. Now what form your “I” takes on after your body ceases to exist is left entirely up to you. Will your “I” live on? Will it be immortal?

Yes it will… as long as you affect other matter with your energy while you are still breathing. We affect our environment through exerting energy.

Draw a picture.
Share a laugh with a friend.
Write a novel.
Dance barefoot with a child in the rain.
Give a compliment.
Design a building.
Make something.
Do something.
Affect your environment!

That is how you become immortal… that is how you live forever.

The more energy you pour into other matter, the more you build your legacy.

We carry the energy of those who impacted us, from the person who gave us our first kiss to the memories of our grandmother’s home-cooking… we carry it all, because they affected us.

What are you affecting? WHO are you affecting? How are you leaving your unique fingerprint on the world?

Time is infinite, yet we’re only given a slice of it. How are you spending yours?

If you don’t know the answer to that, figure it out. It is your key to having ever-lasting life.