My Love Life: Website Reply to a Fan

Wow.  Thanks for sharing that with me!

You sound so much like me, it’s a wonder our paths haven’t crossed before. 

Let me tell you a story that may be a little too long and/or have no bearing on your life whatsoever:

In ’06, after a lot of soul-searching, I left my husband because I realized that our marriage was a lost cause… he’s an amazing guy, but we had both put up a false front for nearly 5 yrs. of marriage and never really addressed our issues honestly.  I call that time in my life “young and dumb”. lol

Shortly after he moved out of our home, I randomly met up with a guy I had a huge crush on a decade earlier.  Older, sexy, smart, charismatic, great job…all that.  I just wanted to have fun at the time, and that’s what he provided.  We became the best of friends and passionate lovers.

New Years of ’07, he told me that he would never hurt me.  May of ’07, we told each other we were in love.  I still didn’t ‘commit’ to him, but wasn’t seeing anyone else.  He was my big love, ya know? He even helped me start my women’s magazine, The Ladies Workshop, earlier this year.

From July ’07 until Mar ’08, I was involved in an abusive relationship and didn’t even know it.  It started with really scary fights in July til about Nov.  Then he pushed me when he was drunk twice in the fall (Hello, wake up, Girl!), but I passed it off as alcohol talking.  Then in Dec., he broke something really important of mine…again, when he was drunk.  And for the last 4 months of our relationship he accused me of cheating, lying, or disrespecting him at least once a week which led to a fight.

On the weekend before I started writing my relationship website (April ’08), he and I had our last fight.  That time, there was no pushing.  He dragged me through my house by my hair, choked me, and broke my cell phone over an accusation of cheating.  Of course, I fought back… even though I’m so not a fighter.

You have no idea how much that hurt me – not physically, but emotionally… he was my BEST friend who I would never expect that kind of behavior from.  And that week I had to make the hardest decision of my life… to love me first by walking away from the man I loved most in the world.

See, all the stuff I talk about in my website is really just a love letter to myself.  I used to be, and now am again, Ms. Alpha Female… but for awhile, I wasn’t.  I allowed myself to be disrespected.  I put myself second.

Now, I work out every day.  I eat right.  I work hard.  I enjoy my son.  I take care of myself.  I make it a point to truly LOVE me.  And all of these guys that I’m dating… all of the guys who keep asking me out, taking me to expensive restaurants, buying me flowers, and writing me poetry, are falling in love with me because I radiate love now.  I feel slightly closer to being that healthy woman I know I can be.

My hope is that it doesn’t take a train wreck like I went through for you to get to the end of your long struggle. 

I wish you the best, Debra. 

Peace,

~Me

Parenting 101

This is the way that I parent… it works for us.  If it works for you, great.  If not, I hope you find a way that feels good to you and produces positive outcomes for your child.

1.  Every choice comes with a consequence and a restriction of other available choices.

I’ll be there to explain your choices to you before and after you make them.  I understand that making mistakes is the only way you learn.  By helping you learn from your choices, I am teaching you to be responsible.

2.  If you need help, ask for it.

I’ll encourage you to try to figure it out or do it on your own.  If that doesn’t help, I’ll show you ‘how to help yourself’ until you get it.   We’ll work together until you realize that you have more power than you originally thought.  This will teach you how to cooperate, ask for what you need, and be confident in your own abilities.

3.  If something doesn’t make sense to you, seek to understand by asking questions… it is okay to question an adult.

I will gladly explain any rule that I make up.  Your opinion matters to me.  I will be honest with you and speak to you at your level of development.  This will help you make sense of your world and understand your place in it.  You are an authority, even when you’re wittle.

4.  However you feel is OK.  Acting on those feelings is not always OK.

I will show concern for your feelings and teach you how to express them constructively.  By me not getting overly frustrated or upset at you by your attempts to express your negative feelings, I will demonstrate what it means to have self-control.  The only person that you can control is you.  You have to learn to control yourself so that you stay safe and healthy.

5.  You are loved.  You are valuable.  You are important to a lot of people.

I will make sure that you know that.  When you love and value someone, treat them like you do and tell them that they are important to you.  This will teach you gratitude, respect for others (and yourself), and help you have healthy relationships.

6.  Reading is important and so is artistic expression.

Whenever you say that you’re bored, I will direct you to the wonderful world of books, paints, or lined paper.  You can never be bored if you use your imagination.  Life is play! Just have fun playing the game and you will learn a lot in the process.

7.Your emotions, your thoughts, your dreams, and your physical presence are all safe with me.

I will protect you when I am able to, as well as let you fall sometimes, knowing that you won’t get completely damaged.

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Now hopefully my kid won’t turn into the next uni-bomber or something… but I think that the way I do things will set him up to be a responsible and happy adult, and be bathed in the comfort of love and acceptance on his way.

Parenting is hard as hell, but I think I’m up for the job because I treat others the way I want to be treated.  The tips above work for pretty much all of my relationships.  As a parent, all I can do is my best… that’s all you can do, too.

School Isn’t The Only Place You Learn

Homeschoolers’ setback sends shock waves through state

Friday, March 7, 2008

Source

“A California appeals court ruling clamping down on homeschooling by parents without teaching credentials sent shock waves across the state this week, leaving an estimated 166,000 children as possible truants and their parents at risk of prosecution.

The homeschooling movement never saw the case coming.

“At first, there was a sense of, ‘No way,’ ” said homeschool parent Loren Mavromati, a resident of Redondo Beach (Los Angeles County) who is active with a homeschool association. “Then there was a little bit of fear. I think it has moved now into indignation.”

The ruling arose from a child welfare dispute between the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services and Philip and Mary Long of Lynwood, who have been homeschooling their eight children. Mary Long is their teacher, but holds no teaching credential.

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Yet the appeals court said state law has been clear since at least 1953, when another appellate court rejected a challenge by homeschooling parents to California’s compulsory education statutes. Those statutes require children ages 6 to 18 to attend a full-time day school, either public or private, or to be instructed by a tutor who holds a state credential for the child’s grade level.

“California courts have held that … parents do not have a constitutional right to homeschool their children,” Justice H. Walter Croskey said in the 3-0 ruling issued on Feb. 28. “Parents have a legal duty to see to their children’s schooling under the provisions of these laws.”

Parents can be criminally prosecuted for failing to comply, Croskey said.

“A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare,” the judge wrote, quoting from a 1961 case on a similar issue.

Link to full article here

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MY THOUGHTS:

I don’t know if this sounds totally Orwellian to you, but it does to me. Someone making a law that says that I cannot teach my child at home because I don’t have “teaching credentials”? I learn something every day from people without teaching credentials…including my child!

I think that I, as a parent, can better help my child learn and grow than ANY teacher or outside authority. If this would have become a law, the basic authority of parents to teach their children anything outside of what “society says is right” would be gone soon after. By claiming that parents are “criminals” for keeping their children home (instead of sending them to be educated with the masses) the State becomes the parent!

I know that a lot of homeschoolers are crazy fanatics… but I personally know A LOT of well-educated or just plain intelligent parents who teach their children at home.

They are fully accountable for their choices and their children are delightfully de-programmed human beings who LOVE learning. Should these parents have to go get a teaching certificate? Because I also personally know A LOT of crazy, fanatical, unquestioning, mean, effed up life-havin’ teachers WHO HAVE teaching certificates and teach ‘the children’ in our schools.

Imagine if parents were told that they could no longer teach their kids because they didn’t have a ‘teaching certificate’. Then we’re saying that parents know less about their OWN children than the teaching-certificate-givers.

This affects you whether you have children or not.

If the government takes over the lives of children, when do the children get their lives back? How long before every person becomes a ‘ward of the state’?

—- Update: The juvenile case was dismissed last month so the appellate court decision will probably be overturned.  (YAY!)