I think that any relationship is a success if you learn something from it or were entertained by it.

The main reason that people have heartache in relationships is:

The Ever-Lasting Expectation.

Why is it that people have this dream about being with ONE person, happily, for all eternity?  …This undying LOVE that you see in the movies or read about in books?

Those people who do make it work “forever” are NOT the norm -

WHY should they be the IDEAL?

I think it’s because we, as a culture, loooooove romanticism!

The REALITY is that exclusivity is an evolutionary throwback. As a species, we developed emotional tendencies toward monogamy because it was useful in propagation. Now, it has lost a lot of its utility, and in most cases, goes against our natural tendencies.

Now don’t get me wrong… I think it’s beautiful when two loving, happy people decide to build a life together… and through tons of communication, dedication and hard work, make it happen. That’s really inspiring.

But the reality is that MOST people in long-term Fo-life relationships HATE IT and don’t have the balls to leave a situation which doesn’t serve their growth. I would say about 85% of people in relationships of over 5 years really don’t like their partner or don’t like themselves. They stay because they are fearful, lazy, or feel some kind of guilt (usually based on Judeo-Christian moral programming). Just my observation, based purely on my experience.

Look around… most people stay in relationships for around 2-3 years. (They feel the “feelings” of love for about 2-3 years)… about the time it takes to breed and nurture a little one. Coincidence or evolutionary throwback? If we didn’t worship romance, people would understand that romantic love doesn’t last (so don’t forget to have other reasons for relating).

Relationships are the most ‘insecure’ when they are built on love alone (emotions alone). Love, by its nature, is insecure. It sneaks up on you, and then just as mysteriously, it vanishes. That’s the beauty of it… its ethereal quality. If you want a relationship to last you better have a stronger foundation than the “feelings” of romantic love. Friendship, respect, and admiration come to mind and build a much stronger foundation… yes, love is important… the binding of two hearts…the powerful connection… However, it is NOT “all you need”, albeit necessary.

I like the idea of enjoying time with someone… relating with them… loving them… committing in the moment. In fact, I think that if people treated romantic love like they do friendly love, there would be much more staying power.

I mean think about it: How many times have you asked one of your friends to “commit” to you? How many times have you asked a friend to move on to the next level of commitment with you? Probably never. But your friends remain, your love for them remains, and you’re both free to leave the situation if it no longer suits you…and sometimes it doesn’t.

An issue that I see people having (and I try to stay out of because I know my opinions are not the norm) is that they find love, experience and enjoy love, then want to go into hoard-mode to keep that love coming. Women ask for diamond rings (as if that’s really going to make your love stay). Men (usually pressured) give up a key to their place or propose marriage. And since most people have no other foundation than “feelings”, they are merely trying to make the insecure secure… which is why they “fail”.

I can’t imagine asking someone to commit to be with me at a future time. I have in the past… now I think that people should love me as long as I am lovable and offer some benefit to them. I refuse to stay with someone who I don’t love and/or offers no benefit to me. My life and my personal growth are more important to me than any relationship. If it no longer serves me, it needs to be extracted.

I’d rather build relationships on respect for each other, mutual admiration, spiritual sex, and friendship… and if I feel intense, intoxicating romantic love, all the better. I don’t use those feelings to decide whether I want to commit though… because I value freedom more than I value love.

Christianity would crumble if the story comes out that Jesus was not the (only) divine son of God, and that he wasn’t born of a virgin, died on a cross, and rose the 3rd day. Your faith in God would be shaken to the core and would crash to the ground if there was no Jesus and no bible to prop up your beliefs.

Oh ye of little faith.

If it turns out that the bible is simply a book of stories of insights to help you find true, lasting, love of God, my faith would remain… because I know God through direct experience.

I sought God and God showed me the way and continues to draw me nearer. Through my mind, my heart, my body, and the spirit within that guides me, I come to experience my divinity. I need nothing to back up my beliefs… even if an army of men or 2.1 billion people (Christians who believe that I am not with God because Jesus is NOT my personal savior) are against me, I KNOW that everyday I walk with God. We are one.

THE CHRISTIAN QUERY and MY OWN NON-CHRISTIAN ANSWERS

1. Is God powerless, apathetic or abhorrent? Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami, starving children in Ethiopia. We’re told that God has a plan for all of “his” children. Why would he allow these terrible things to happen? Why would he allow children to be molested and wives to be beaten?

This is a trick question. By being given the choice of three adjectives, you are influenced to choose one. God “allows these terrible things to happen” because God is the ultimate Creator/Destroyer. In both creation and destruction, the power and beauty of God is evident. If no one died during events such as the Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina, would we not all stand in awe of the absolute power of nature’s (God’s) force? Just as we marvel at volcanoes, geysers, and meteor showers, we would do the same at such huge things as a tsunami… if only there weren’t so much death. (Actually, if we didn’t romanticize “life”.)

Although these occurrences are destructive, the beauty of them can easily be seen. And what’s even more beautiful is the way these events bring out the humanity in other people. During the Tsunami and Katrina, there were people risking their lives for their neighbors. There was gratitude for family members and friends thought to be dead but later found. An outpouring of empathy and love in the form of vigils and monetary gifts to survivors were sent from all over the world. TRUE humanity… that is the purpose of destruction.

When wives are beaten, it is sad. When children are molested, it’s sad. But when people survive these things, and continue with their lives afterwards, their resilience strengthens them and others around them. They are able to empathize with the plight of other people. Through their experiences, ALL of our experiences combined, we are able to evolve as a people.

2. Why would he create “the devil” (and since God created everything, it follows that God created the devil) whose main job is to torture and torment people? Either he didn’t create the Devil (and allow all of the other atrocities) and he is not the Almighty creator of the Universe, or he is disgusting and uncaring – unsympathetic to the suffering of his people.

Again, another trick question.

If you are a Christian, or a part of one of the Abrahamic religions, you subscribe to the idea of a “devil”. Nowhere in texts which pre-date the bible is there anything about the “devil”. (And note – the first remains of humans were found from around 300,000 years ago, way before the torah, bible, and koran were created after 1250 BCE. We’re talking about no “devil” for 298,750 years.)

From Wikipedia: “Originally, the term [devil] was used as a title for various entities that challenged the religious faith of humans in the Hebrew Bible. Since then, the Abrahamic religions have used the name ‘Satan’ as a name for the Devil.”

Because I don’t believe the bible as the “absolute” word of God, and because I think that stories of the bible are just that – stories, I do NOT believe in some being named Satan/Devil that goes around tormenting people.

3. How does Jesus dying on the cross have anything to do with ‘OUR” sins?

It doesn’t have anything to do with OUR sins.
If I were to take a “stretch-guess” as to the purpose of the death of Jesus on the cross, through the lens of a bible-reader, I would think that Jesus died not FOR, but BECAUSE of the sins of people in that day. Big difference. “Because” of the sins refers to the fact that someone as purely spiritual as Jesus was seen as threat to people around him. He was a constant reminder of the fact that they were not taking advantage of all of their talents/gifts and that their relationships with God (through insane rituals and going to the churches) were shallow.

4. If God sent him to die, does that mean that God killed Jesus (against “his” own commandment – thou shalt not kill)?

God sends us all to die. We will return back to God when our work on earth is done.
5. Since Jesus died, doesn’t that mean that you can sin all you want and you’re forgiven because he already paid the price?

Of course not. There is no “price” that can be paid by one person’s sacrifice. But we all pay the price when one person is sacrificed.

The bible (through the words of some guy named Paul) says in Romans “23For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” (Note, it doesn’t say “except for Jesus”.) Every time we sin – by the way, let’s take a moment to look at the root of the word “sin”

In the biblical Hebrew, the generic word for sin is het. It means “to err, to miss the mark.” It does not mean to do evil.
In later times, when the dictionary was created, it meant “something that offends one’s sense of propriety, fairness, or justice”

- Anyway, every time we “SIN”, we are deprived of the glory of God. Have you noticed that every time you “miss the mark” you receive some sort of punishment (consequences)? It’s the nature of sin… you make a mistake; you pay for it… one way or another. The death of Jesus had nothing to do with OUR personal sins.

6. Did Jesus really rise again on the 3rd day? Where did he go and what did he do then?

Quite possibly. A part of me thinks that there may be some sort of reincarnation into another dimension, another world. I’m not sure if this other dimension can make contact with our world…but since Jesus was pretty cool and pretty close to God, I think it’s plausible that Jesus could have been taken to another dimension – a next level – and given the right to visit earth in spirit. As for where he went after the 3rd day (according to the bible) – I have no idea.

7. Was he given a new body or did he still have the thorn marks on his head and the puncture wounds on his hands/wrists?

This is a funny question and it doesn’t deserve an answer.

8. Is Jesus divine?

Sure. Since I believe that every human being is divine, I think that if Jesus existed, he was divine, too.

9. How come there has never (ever in the history of mankind) been any other virgin births?

Actually, there have been more than 20 “birth-death-resurrection” stories from various religions – many predating Christianity.

Eighteen hundred years before Christ, King Amunothph III
Roman/Greek: Demeter and Persephone, Rhea and Zeus, Apollo
In Egypt, Horus
In Phrygia, Attis
China, Fohi
In Siam, Codom
Buddha
In Greece, Plato
Adonis

From the Americas, Quetzalcoatl told by the Aztecs and Mayans.

Mithra was a Persian god who was also a virgin birth
The prophet Zoroaster was also born of a virgin.
Perseus and Hercules all experienced virgin births after being fathered by gods.
A Roman savior Quirrnus was born of a virgin.
In Tibet, Indra was born of a virgin. He ascended into heaven after death.
In India, the god Krishna was born of the virgin Devaki.

Virgin births were claimed for many Egyptian pharaohs, Greek emperors and for Alexander the Great of Greece.

***Know your history***
Check out the History of Religion map to see the progression of Christianity… way after many of these other religions.

9a. Was Mary the only one? How is this possible and what does it prove?

As already evidenced, no, she wasn’t.

If Jesus was divine and the son of God, and we are all the sons and daughters of God, doesn’t that mean that we are all divine?

Yes. We are all the divine sons and daughters of God… but many of us haven’t figured it out yet. Probably because we’re too busy praising some guy who didn’t want our praise, when we could be enjoying a relationship with God and realizing our divine right.

9b. What makes Jesus different?

He understood the personal relationship with God. He personified it. He taught other people how to achieve it. He was an example. Again, too many people are on their knees praising him while they should be on their feet doing as he did.

9c. …And what happened in Jesus’ life from his birth until age 30?

Who the hell knows? He was probably spending lots of time questioning, making mistakes and finding his way to God. He was a pretty smart dude… I’m sure he rationalized, loved and lost, and messed up BIG, before he realized his oneness with God. That’s the most logical guess I can come up with because that’s what I did from birth until age 30.

10. Where is heaven located? Where is hell located?

The bible says that the “kingdom of God is within you”… I agree. Both heaven and hell are within you. When you experience love, joy and peace, you are in heaven. When you experience anger, depression, and misery, you are in hell. Both are within you.

11. Prove that:
Jesus is divine/the Son of God
God created the universe
Christians will go to heaven
We are living in the last days
The bible is the word of God
…WITHOUT using the bible as evidence.

You can’t… except for one.

Jesus (if he ever existed) was the divine son of God because I am the divine daughter of God… so because I am divine, and I am human, and Jesus was/is human, it reasonably follows that Jesus was also divine… as is every other human on this planet.

How do I know that I am divine? – Because I don’t use the bible as evidence of my divinity and because god “told me”.

While we are on the subject, let’s define “divine”. From dictionary.com:

DIVINE
Adjective:
1. of or pertaining to a god, esp. the Supreme Being.
2. addressed, appropriated, or devoted to God or a god; religious; sacred: divine worship.
3. proceeding from God or a god: divine laws.
4. godlike; characteristic of or befitting a deity: divine magnanimity

Noun:
1. A cleric. (a member of the clergy)
2. A theologian. (a person versed in theology, esp. Christian theology; divine)

I am all of the above.

12. Jesus was clearly against the state, and in those days the leaders of the state were the religious elders/kings (by “divine right”) etc. Because Jesus spoke out against these people – challenged their authority and their supposed “god-given right to rule”, isn’t it more plausible that this is the reason why he was killed?

Since he was labeled as the #1 enemy of the state, doesn’t it make sense to believe that the rulers would have him publicly killed so that no one else dared to be revolutionary?

Absolutely! Good reasoning using the bible as evidence!

13. The fourth commandment says “remember the Sabbath (7th) day to keep it holy”. Are we breaking God’s law by going to church on Sunday? …the first day of the week? And is breaking this commandment as serious as killing or stealing?

Commandments are for people who need laws to dictate their behavior. They haven’t moved through the moral stages of development so they need laws to keep them in line.

In the bible, Moses was just trying to lay down some basic laws of behavior because people acted as people do – lawlessly. In the absence of individual relationships with God and realizing that other people are also God (what you do to them, you do to God and yourself) people need laws to dictate their behaviors and punish consequences. It remains the same today… sadly.

14. If someone has never heard of the bible or of God, how can they go to heaven (without being given the choice)?

You can go to heaven because you are capable of experiencing life as a human. Heaven is simply a close relationship with God that comes when you do God’s will. Go there whenever you want.

15. If God wanted to show that “he” was real and that Christianity was right, why create other books (like the Koran) which confuse people?

God attempts to show its face through EVERYTHING. All religious books and non-religious books are inspired by God. All ideas, songs, essays, anything humans create, are inspired by God. Our existence and its remnants are all the manifestation of God on earth.

16. Why is God the “father”? Women are more creative, nurturing, loving, etc. Doesn’t it seem a bit wrong to not have a feminine presence in creation? …Especially because women are the ones who give birth – life! Before biblical times, Greeks and Romans had gods and goddesses. Why did Christianity fail to acknowledge the feminine (besides Eve’s blunder and Mary’s lie about her impregnation)?

You have to realize the time frame that you’re talking about here. At the time of the bible, there was no SCIENCE. People didn’t understand how or why women got pregnant and gave birth.

Can you imagine how scary this was? …and how strong the survivors of birth had to be? Before the bible, women were revered for their “strength”… fertility was “strength”, but birth showed women’s “power”… enough to take a seat next to men as Goddesses.

Men could not show their strength besides smaller shows of physical strength like lifting, carrying, or fighting. Women, on the other hand, were seen as much stronger… a body came out of their bodies! …No matter what age – 12, 13, 25! This scared men.

In order to take charge, men had to prove their strength by saying that God was masculine. God is neither or both masculine and feminine. This follows my idea of God being the Great Creator/Destroyer. This also follows my idea of the trinity (Mind (male), Body (female), and Soul (spirit – no gender).

Christianity failed to acknowledge the feminine in order to control the bodies of people, especially women-people. The story of Adam and Eve is evidence of people not understanding science…which is okay, because we can now look back on it and see why they made this mistake. Like all stories in the bible… the story of Eve coming from the rib of Adam was probably a parable, fable, or allegory, showing that women were to stand by the side of men.

—————–

I don’t claim to know all the answers, and the ones above are subject to change as I continue growing… I’m not dead like some changed-a-billion-times-and-written-after-the-fact book.

Be well.

I heard a quote this morning and I’ve been thinking about you ever since.  “Love never dies.”

What a bullshit fucking truth.

Normally if I felt this way I would stuff it and think about something else.  Not today.

I’m wondering how you’re doing…

I’m thinking about all of the cute little things you used to do…

I’m feeling grateful for the time we shared…

I’m remembering the friendship and love we had.

I don’t know why I’m even writing to you.  This is the second time I’ve started to write something.  The first was a text.  But a text… really?  Could I really sum up what I want to say to you in a text?  Nope.  So here I am.  On freaking Facebook.  What am I doing?

Then I see your status – “R.I.P. {some random dude who I won’t name}. I wish I could have caught up with him before he passed. So sad. Godspeed.”

I wonder what it would be like if me or you passed.  Have we told each other all that we wanted to say?

I would also add that a lot of women want to be “led” to the bedroom. Since most of us grew up with parents, teachers, and societal pressure to be a “lady”, “keep your legs closed”, and worry about your “reputation”, it’s tough for some to drop that programming and admit that we desire sex.

When a man can successfully lead us through the physical escalation of the relationship, and we feel attracted and comfortable (because he is attractive and comfortable with himself), there’s no stopping that sexual side from coming out.

Random thought:

Soccer players are my favorite body type to look at (YUM!)… I’d rather be underneath a football player though.

You sound so much like me, it’s a wonder our paths haven’t crossed before. 

Let me tell you a story that may be a little too long and/or have no bearing on your life whatsoever:

In ’06, after a lot of soul-searching, I left my husband because I realized that our marriage was a lost cause… he’s an amazing guy, but we had both put up a false front for nearly 5 yrs. of marriage and never really addressed our issues honestly.  I call that time in my life “young and dumb”. lol

Shortly after he moved out of our home, I randomly met up with a guy I had a huge crush on a decade earlier.  Older, sexy, smart, charismatic, great job…all that.  I just wanted to have fun at the time, and that’s what he provided.  We became the best of friends and passionate lovers.

New Years of ’07, he told me that he would never hurt me.  May of ’07, we told each other we were in love.  I still didn’t ‘commit’ to him, but wasn’t seeing anyone else.  He was my big love, ya know? He even helped me start my women’s magazine, The Ladies Workshop, earlier this year.

From July ’07 until Mar ’08, I was involved in an abusive relationship and didn’t even know it.  It started with really scary fights in July til about Nov.  Then he pushed me when he was drunk twice in the fall (Hello, wake up, Girl!), but I passed it off as alcohol talking.  Then in Dec., he broke something really important of mine…again, when he was drunk.  And for the last 4 months of our relationship he accused me of cheating, lying, or disrespecting him at least once a week which led to a fight.

On the weekend before I started writing my relationship website (April ’08), he and I had our last fight.  That time, there was no pushing.  He dragged me through my house by my hair, choked me, and broke my cell phone over an accusation of cheating.  Of course, I fought back… even though I’m so not a fighter.

You have no idea how much that hurt me – not physically, but emotionally… he was my BEST friend who I would never expect that kind of behavior from.  And that week I had to make the hardest decision of my life… to love me first by walking away from the man I loved most in the world.

See, all the stuff I talk about in my website is really just a love letter to myself.  I used to be, and now am again, Ms. Alpha Female… but for awhile, I wasn’t.  I allowed myself to be disrespected.  I put myself second.

Now, I work out every day.  I eat right.  I work hard.  I enjoy my son.  I take care of myself.  I make it a point to truly LOVE me.  And all of these guys that I’m dating… all of the guys who keep asking me out, taking me to expensive restaurants, buying me flowers, and writing me poetry, are falling in love with me because I radiate love now.  I feel slightly closer to being that healthy woman I know I can be.

My hope is that it doesn’t take a train wreck like I went through for you to get to the end of your long struggle. 

I wish you the best, Debra. 

Peace,

~Me

1.  Every choice comes with a consequence and a restriction of other available choices.

I’ll be there to explain your choices to you before and after you make them.  I understand that making mistakes is the only way you learn.  By helping you learn from your choices, I am teaching you to be responsible.

2.  If you need help, ask for it.

I’ll encourage you to try to figure it out or do it on your own.  If that doesn’t help, I’ll show you ‘how to help yourself’ until you get it.   We’ll work together until you realize that you have more power than you originally thought.  This will teach you how to cooperate, ask for what you need, and be confident in your own abilities.

3.  If something doesn’t make sense to you, seek to understand by asking questions… it is okay to question an adult.

I will gladly explain any rule that I make up.  Your opinion matters to me.  I will be honest with you and speak to you at your level of development.  This will help you make sense of your world and understand your place in it.  You are an authority, even when you’re wittle.

4.  However you feel is OK.  Acting on those feelings is not always OK.

I will show concern for your feelings and teach you how to express them constructively.  By me not getting overly frustrated or upset at you by your attempts to express your negative feelings, I will demonstrate what it means to have self-control.  The only person that you can control is you.  You have to learn to control yourself so that you stay safe and healthy.

5.  You are loved.  You are valuable.  You are important to a lot of people.

I will make sure that you know that.  When you love and value someone, treat them like you do and tell them that they are important to you.  This will teach you gratitude, respect for others (and yourself), and help you have healthy relationships.

6.  Reading is important and so is artistic expression.

Whenever you say that you’re bored, I will direct you to the wonderful world of books, paints, or lined paper.  You can never be bored if you use your imagination.  Life is play! Just have fun playing the game and you will learn a lot in the process.

7.Your emotions, your thoughts, your dreams, and your physical presence are all safe with me.

I will protect you when I am able to, as well as let you fall sometimes, knowing that you won’t get completely damaged.

————————————-

Now hopefully my kid won’t turn into the next uni-bomber or something… but I think that the way I do things will set him up to be a responsible and happy adult, and be bathed in the comfort of love and acceptance on his way.

Parenting is hard as hell, but I think I’m up for the job because I treat others the way I want to be treated.  The tips above work for pretty much all of my relationships.  As a parent, all I can do is my best… that’s all you can do, too.

While it may be love, it’s probably something else… like one or both are too ugly/fat/unattractive to get anyone else.

The reasons are vast.

It could be security.

It could be for the children.

It could be guilt.

It could be fear.

It could be loyalty.

Anything goes with marriage… just don’t call it LOVE.

You can choose others to be the recipient of your love forever, as long as you don’t expect their love in return. Those who believe the fairytale expect others to be the “source”.

My point is that love doesn’t mean “exclusivity for life”…and that demanding or expecting that kind of exclusivity (from any and every partner) leads to disillusionment.

It is rare to see people stay together for more than 3 years, and really, there’s nothing wrong with that. The relationship didn’t fail. There may have been a lot of love there. Yet people believe that love wasn’t real because it didn’t last forever. Hogwash!

When I come to adore a man such that I don’t desire others, exclusivity becomes voluntary in that fidelity is not compulsory, but rather granted, and is not dependent on reciprocation. When I choose to no longer be exclusive, I have a right to do that. My love didn’t fail or die because I chose not to share it with only that one person.

I am no longer exclusive with my ex (husband), but I still love him. He would tell you that my love died… it didn’t… my exclusivity did.

And about the laziness thing: Some people will put up with a lot of bullshit from their mate because they are dependent on that person. They will lie to themselves rather than take action to correct the situation (or leave it).

It takes a big pair of balls to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves your highest good. When you throw kids into the mix, and other societal crap, you get a person who is too LAZY or fearful to take corrective action in their life.

Should we revere them simply because they stay together for life?

Is a relationship a success ONLY when two people make a choice to stay together (regardless if the relationship harms the individual)? I think not.

How did you reach a point where you could give love that freely, reciprocated or not?

I had a child.

I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but before my son (spent about 3.5 years on this planet), I never knew what real love was about.

The first three years were a duty… I had to take care of him to ensure his survival.

But when he started developing a personality and became less dependent and needy, I finally “got it”. Not just “love” as a connection between “lovers”, but a greater sense of the word.   I like him as a person.  He’s kind and forgiving.  Friendly and funny.  I admire many qualities within him.

If my son doesn’t love me back, that’s fine…. I still feel lucky to be a part of his world.

Having a child helped me learn about myself and now it’s easy to share love with others without expecting anything in return. And it also helped me get over a lot of stuff that happened to me in my childhood (forgiving others and myself) which makes it much easier for me to love people. ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE MIRRORS.

BTW… I’m NOT suggesting that anyone have a child. I’m just saying that’s one thing that helped me experience love.  Most of parenting is torture… heed my words, young women.  Your moms and grandmas lie to you so that you’ll go through the pain they did!  Just say NO.  :)

Anyway, he told her he was going to help her out and paid for her to give me a lap dance. She took her money and happily obliged.

After she walked away he told me a little more about her. According to him, she is all about making money… and I did notice that she had two huge wads of it on both of her garter belts.

As I watched her walk around the club, I noticed something that I found quite intriguing… she went around to almost every guy asking “Wanna dance?” I watched her get turned down OVER and OVER again until she got one.

I was amazed by the fact that she DIDN’T TAKE REJECTION PERSONALLY. I mean, I’ve worked in sales for years, and I always have a problem with this… but this chick was selling HER BODY – and continuously got rejected. But she kept on going… kept her eyes on the prize and made her money.

Now of course, I’m not condoning what she does. I was just inspired by HOW she does it – that “hunter” mentality that people talk about definitely came into play. It was cool to watch.

How this relates to inner game:

1) Know you’re a prize and take nothing personally. Just keep goin’…on to the next one.

2) Not everyone is going to like you. Find the ones who do.

3) Know that the more successful you are, the more ‘failures’ you’ve had/will experience. Don’t be afraid of failure… embrace it.

I don’t know if these are the ‘most important’ aspects of inner game, but they are definitely helpful.

Anyway, Tarot cards have 22 ‘Major Arcana’ cards which detail the story of the Fool’s journey. Card #7 The Chariot, #14 Temperance, and #21 The World (<–which is the last card in the fool’s journey) explain this dark side/light side integration. I’m a visual learner, and find symbolism and numerical patterns intriguing, so even if you’re not into Tarot, this illustrates the use of your dark and light side.

One interesting observation is that these three cards are multiples of 7. Seven is a number used to describe “perfection”, “creation”, “destiny” and all kinds of spiritual stuff.

So anyway here’s a look at the cards:

The Chariot is when you realize that you have these two opposing forces inside of you. One is those baser instincts and the other is reason.

Notice the man in the Chariot… odd that the chariot isn’t moving… but the black and white steeds are there symbolizing the dark and light. This is when you just start to grasp your power.

You can go either way, but you realize that you are in charge of these competing forces.

Temperance is when you start mixing the two. You allow yourself to experience the chaos of the dark side… you begin to formulate your values.

Another name for temperance is “alchemy”. It’s when you begin USING and experimenting with these two sides. And of course, as you’re trying to achieve balance, you sometimes go too far in one direction. You realize is that YOU are the one who decides what you value – not your parents, the church, some ‘president’ – and you can only do that by experiencing ALL parts of yourself… which is hard for some of us who aren’t used to “losing control”.

The World is when you integrate the two. Notice the animals in the World card. The symbolism is incredible. The hawk. Instinct. The Lion. Bravery. The Bull. Aggressive.

And then notice the woman in the top left corner…along with the animals…. your sexuality. All of these things are embraced when you reach the “World”. You can use them when you see fit.

You can only do this when you are an individual defined by your OWN values.